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(P/S: Happy Birthday to you...) confessed at
This is madness. I can't stop thinking abt it since I last contact you. How I think abt the way things are now. Even thou', we are still friends. You still acknowledge me when you see me on the streets. Sometimes, I wish I am able to tell you things. Things tt I didn't explain. The reasons for my actions. Coward? I am not. I somehow feel, you'll take it as an excuse, rather than calling it as reasons.
I've no intention to leave the good times we had. The dates especially. [Do not get me wrong tt I am not enjoying my date with my current boyfriend. Let just concentrate abt me and you.] That's the best you given and I can never appreciate you more with the word of Thank You. You made things to turn out wonderful for me that point of time. You believed in me. You stood by me.
I understood there was a point when a girlfriend told me, you pick the kind of girls you like and all. Of which, I respect that. We worked out the problem and we'd compromised. Compromising one's behavior is the most difficult thing to do. But then, we had compromised lotsa things. Even thou' you know and I know, we are two different individuals. Bcos the understanding we had, you made it happened. Again, Thank You.
Eventually, it went all wrong when I got to find out something. Abt you. Abt another friend. You knew nothing on the things gg ard in my mind and the information I received. Cos it was a promise to myself not to talk it out with you. I wasn't jealous. In fact, I was guilty. Thinking... Am I doing what's right? I was asked from another girlfriend, "If you both like each other, why you heck abt the things going around outside the whole picture?" I stopped and think. Soon I got the whole idea, it was because of friendship. It took me weeks to think. At last, I decided. Friendship it is.
It would be a betrayal to choose you. It would be inconsiderate of me to your feelings to choose her. I was torn. So what I did? I listed out the positivity on both parties. Friendship won and you lost. How I wish I could get better and other reasons to have the choice as you. But no more points to add in again.
Since then, I'd changed, I was harsh, I stopped messaging, calling and seeing you again. Cos I was trying hard to forget the nice things we had. I did not know what you were feeling that point of time. All I knew, I assumed you were doing fine and you shouldn't feel affected by my actions.
One night, I cried and turned to Ibu and said, " I realised I am falling for him." Ibu just smile and said, "If he is fated to be yours, he'll be then. If it is not him, you'll get someone like him. Maybe not now, but later." I turned away, closed my eyes and feeling sorry, feeling foolish. Not knowing what can I do to apologise to you. Instead of calling you, I kept silent. Till now.
People said patience is a virtue. I am a great believer in that philosophy. Becos what Ibu said was true... If you were not meant to be mine, someone like you would. Again, thank you.
Thank you for being that person who called me up early mrng to wake me to continue doing my projects. The one who stood by me when things went wrong. Believing in me when I nearly lost faith in myself. Who came down to my wrkplc to get me the markers which I needed badly for my class the day after. An eye-opener to the beautiful things on which I decided to shut it for a long time. Thank you to sacrifice your sleeping time when I called you early in the mrng when I got home late during the weekends. Thank you for making me smile with jokes of your own. Thank you to make me realise how wonderful a good man could be.
Thank you to you who made me to watch SAW. The most disgusting show of all.
I would somehow be happy that you found out how much she likes you. If ever one day the both of you are fated, I am the happiest individual to get the news. How I wish one day, you'll notice her. I doubt that it will be tt soon.
Take care of yourself my friend. I love you, but no more than being a friend. Thank you. For everything.
Yours faithfully,
Yani
(Let it be if he is not reading this. I just wanna let it out. It is far too long that I've been keeping it to myself.)
1:47 AM
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