Tuesday, April 18, 2006

So there is a new admin staff and he is a GUY!! a malay guy. was shocked when i went to the office this mrng when looking for Carolyn. i mean it is rare for a malay guy to be doing admin work for private school. most of the time, they wld prefer to be an 'office boy'.am i right to say tt? cos admin work is more of a girl thing... well, it is just what i've observed.

please do laugh out people when some people describe me as someone who gets jealous. when i get to hear abt it, i keep on laughing. what do i gotta lose in the first place? in fact, i never felt tt i am in any losing end. people can come and go as and when they wish to in my life. these are just parts and parcels of life tt we cant deny whr not everyone shld stay long in one's life. thr is such thing call 'history' and sometimes we as human are known to be someone else's history. just got to face tt.

so he thinks im jealous. why would i be? maybe it is him who cant stand the fact tt im doing all fine. can you believe it tt he said to me before tt i am trying to be fine? :lol: honestly, i am really doing fine. have my family, my peeps.so what im not doing fine abt? not having a boyfriend or someone special? oh please... not in a rush for tt. let time tells when tt someone special will come. not every guy hv to be someone special. true, thr is something tt we call 'date' but sometimes the feeling are just infatuation.

maybe he cant take the fact tt im doing fine, so he is trying hard to convince himself tt i am nt doing fine. how low self-esteem one could be tt they expected me nt doing fine becos of them. you are not the one who makes me live and you are not the one who ends my life. if i ever not doing fine, it is when i feel i do sins to Almighty, granny and mum. not some arse who just come into my life at my adolscent stage.

when the time i would feel jealous?? well, ive yet to feel tt way.i do not describe the feelings in the past as jealousy bcos in reality, it is happening whr my ex-bfS were hitting on someone else. one of 'em was even hitting on my own girlfriend behind my back. this kinda things, i have every right to be angry isnt it? what i felt is not called jealousy but anger for some reason. it would be called jealousy if i have assumptions on my boyfriend who have nothing to do with the other party. correct?

if i ever feel jealous, i inform you. okay? it shall save you from assuming what i am feeling.

maybe it is him who is having the hatred towards me. not me towards him. but he is just acting nice, innocent and concern. well, it is possible. he can tell the whole world how much he actually cares, but does tt matters to me? my answer would be a NO. cos i can read his intentions. you can say tt i am someone observant.

in the first place, i should nt have date i guess. cos every decision i wanna do, people thinks i am doing it becos of 'em. [bleurgh] [sick face]

confessed at
3:15 AM


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