when i see some of my girlfriends' r'ships.. its like a mirror to me. maybe not exactly but somewhat similar.was it becoz what i've bn thru..turns me into what i am now?i've changed..to the better or to the worst,i am not sure myself.one thing for sure,i am happy.let the Almighty judge me.
i realised smtg...everytime when a "friendship" is abt to b at the next stage,i back off. afraid? i'm not.. becoz i still love the ppl in my past? honestly,no.i do not trust men? partly,but tt does nt mean i do nt trust them 100%.i do..but not much i believe shld be given.i just felt tt i've yet to find the right one.dates does not mean im flirting all the way.i just wanna see the different types of guys tt exist.maybe of my own liking.
rough is the best way to describe for the treatment they received. if they cant accept tt rough person within me,i doubted tt they are able to take care of me in the long run... how i look at men is..undescribable;complicated. some things tt they do or did can be able to scare the hell out of me tt i will start to ignore them.scaring me nt in terms of being abusive... but...on the way their mind judge on the things happening ard them.
let it be if ppl says tt a 4-5 yrs relationship and additional of friendship means nothing.even so if they hv to compare. i've nvr believed i went thru the worst things in life...thr's other ppl out thr who went thru more of a challenging life than i did.one thing tt i can be sure of is... i've survived.
sorry i am to ibu and my girlfriends who had to b involved in my past. their help can nvr b repaid by cash and expensive things. to have them standing by my side,how pleased i am tt they had nvr thought of leaving me even problems tt ive shared with them can turn sucky in a way or another.till now.my feelings kinda hard to describe 'em in words becoz i feel touched by 'em.
bumped into an old friend and he was asking me this.."how come the both of you seperated?"
ive answered,"itu bkn jodoh aku..he prefers to b with someone else.i do not believe in telling him to stay.becoz its already stated dia bkn jodoh aku."
and again was asked.. " weird..always assumed you both wld hv gone far..assuming aint a gd thing after all huh?is it smtg wrong with you or him?"
ive answered,"partly me and partly him...bad things tt happened in our r'ship taught me lotsa things..im nt surprise if he dislikes me now.coz im hoping and hv been praying for him nt to even miss me.we are just nt meant to b a match.i've accepted it.tt pt of time he was gg after another girl(which is nt his current gf). was mad but thr's nothing i cld do.nothing tt i cld save.i prefer things to b this way.his current gf can take care of him much better than i do."
confessed at
6:33 PM
